'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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