The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
