; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
