Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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