How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
