Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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