Too much gin, very little bucket
Swine flu is the new snow day.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
