I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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