i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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