youre lurking in front of me
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
