So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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