She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
