dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
