shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
