I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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