At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
