i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
