How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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