I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
