I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How does one acquire holy water?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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