I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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