Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
