Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
