remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
