Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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