Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
