We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
