Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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