She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
