saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
