He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
