I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
