i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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