he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
