I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Screwed.edu
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
