He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
