i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
