just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
