The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
