Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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