Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
love makes seman taste better
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
