so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
