got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
