You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
