Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
