even my farts smell like vagina
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
