they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
