The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
