by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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