I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Randomize
